Approaches

This post isn’t as much for the person dealing with the problem but more for the friend or family member who is trying to support them. It’s kind of a follow up post for the ‘telling someone’ post, I think they link together nicely. So the way I see it there are three main approaches when someone tells you that they are suffering with a mental disorder.

The aggressive approach

This approach is not necessary being physically aggressive but becoming verbally aggressive tends to be quite a common response and it is not one that I would recommend at all because it normally ends up with a lot of arguing, shouting and crying. Normally a guilt trip is involved which is when you tell them that other people have it worse (a common comparison being the children in Africa)

*helpful hint – telling someone that others have it worse won’t make them any better*

Some people need to realize that just because other people have it ‘worse’ does not mean that their own life is great and they may not be as emotionally strong as those people and arguing with someone when they have picked you as the person to tell in their time of need really won’t help them, in fact it may cause them to shut down from you and push you away. They may feel that you don’t understand and that if you didn’t then no one else will and that can wreck their trust and themselves in the long term.

The silent approach

This approach is to allow your friend or family member just to let it all out and cry or talk to you about it without requiring any feedback from you, let them tell you everything they feel comfortable to tell you without interruption. Although you may feel like you are not helping them, surprisingly you normally are. An outlet for all the emotions that they have bottled up inside themselves for so long can finally be released unto a person that they hopes will understand and support them. This is a massive step so sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is listen.

The supportive approach

This is probably the most common approach. Normally you listen and advise them on what they should do, followed by hugs and silly attempts to make them laugh and take their mind off their problems. Maybe you could help them reach the next step or even the first or second step in recovery, maybe by going to the doctors or therapist with them (if it’s their choice – don’t force them into anything) or by something as simple as getting them out of their house if they are having a bad day.

Warning – don’t enter into a long term commitment to support them if you aren’t going to stick with them through everything including the mood swings, the relapses and them trying to push you away because that can be detrimental.